Saturday, September 21, 2002
What is it about age that makes such an impression -- on others, and on ourselves?
Conventional wisdom says that more years are equivalent to more life experience, and therefore more maturity and a better understanding of the world, which is why elders are so very respected in many cultures. But, of course, there are numerous exceptions to that rule: younger people who are wiser than their years and older people who have never surpassed the maturity of an adolescent.
I find that most of the time I'm not aware of my age, if that makes sense. But interacting with certain older people can make me suddenly cognizant of the fact that I am nineteen, that I am younger than they are, and that, on this basic and superficial level, I am not their equal.
I don't like that feeling.
It's curious that most of my online friends are older than I am -- several of them over a decade older -- yet only on the rarest of occasions have I experienced the "unequal feeling" with them. But with some people in real life, it's an almost constant vibe I get when I'm around them. I wonder if that's in part a result of Internet communication, and the fact that (especially in written form) my conversation is not usually that of the "average" college student. Or so I have been told, anyway.
Celeste, a twenty-nine-year-old Starbucks barista, is one of those "unequal feeling" people. Celeste seems very nice; she certainly is very proficient at her job, and she isn't patronizing or belittling when she corrects me or instructs me on something. Nevertheless, I feel very nineteen when I work with her. Trey is thirty and I feel fine when I work with him -- but Celeste gives me the vibe. I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it's not how she instructs me, but the fact that she sees the need to tell me what to do as often as she does. Which, I presume, means that once I'm more settled with Starbucks, the vibe should dissipate. I hope so, but I'm not so sure.
Today she made a comment about a former employee, saying, "I told [our manager] not to hire him, but she said she was going to do it anyway, which I thought was stupid. I mean, he was really young, like nineteen."
I ignored the comment and finished making whatever drink I was working on, feeling suddenly rather inadequate in spite of myself.
I really don't like that feeling.
| 10:09 PM |
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Who am I? I'm a twenty-two-
