Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Starbucks signage
As many of you know, the Starbucks signage and slogans never fail to disgust all of my English major's sensibilities. From "Schmoopy" and garden gnomes, to "Every Day Magic," to this year's reprehensibly redundant "Wonderful Wonders" and terrible cup poetry, Starbuck's advertising slogans always inspire a sneer from me (and on occasion, a rant) when we roll out with each new promo.
The Chantico promo is no different.
I suppose I should first explain what this "Chantico" is. It's a new chocolate beverage -- "drinking chocolate," they call it. A drinkable dessert, they say. It's a six-ounce cup of a thick, sweet concoction.
I love chocolate just as much as the next person, but this thing tastes like warm, poor-quality cake batter. It's thick and viscous and sticks to your throat. And it is so sweet that it makes my eyes water. Literally. I cannot drink more than one sip of it.
Oh, and did I mention that it has 390 calories and 21 grams of fat in one six-ounce serving? We're waiting for a person who orders a venti Chantico (we know someone will, eventually). We suspect it might kill them on the spot.
But anyway. On to the slogans.
One Chantico sign reads: "Discover a sublime, new chocolatey chocolateness."
The other reads: "To describe its chocolateness could deplete the world of adjectives."
Now. If this is truly an adjective-depleting product, don't you think that the slogan writers could have come up with a better descriptor than chocolatey? "Chocolatey chocolateness" is probably the worst phrase I've seen come out of the Starbucks signage -- and that is really saying something.
Also, the new promo's decor is vaguely Asian themed, so Starbucks throws around the phrase "feng shui inspired" with relation to half their product. I hardly think that a garish green Chinese take-out box containing Starbucks brand chocolate fortune cookies is "feng shui inspired," but I'm just the grunt barista, so what do I know?
| 1:25 PM |
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