Sunday, January 18, 2004
Don't go all Freudian on me
I had a really disturbing dream last night.
For the most part, I very rarely remember my dreams -- and when I do remember them, they are usually nightmares.
The thing about my nightmares, though, is that (aside from the bizarre recurring haircutting-torture dreams) they are very, very... real. Not in the sense that they feel real (though often they do) but in the sense that it could actually happen. No otherworldly monsters or fantastic death sequences. My nightmares are always scenarios that could, technically, occur in my conscious state.
Last night I had one of the worst nightmares of my entire life. I dreamt that, shortly after I graduated from college, I met a man -- a guy with a boring office job, too lazy and not quite intelligent enough to make anything else of himself, with a penchant for weekend partying and a complete lack of spiritual belief. But he was somewhat charming and had a good sense of humor. For whatever reason, he was interested in me and I got involved with him in a whirlwind romance that lasted for three months before we decided to elope in a small ceremony at the courthouse. I didn't tell my parents, because I was secretly ashamed, and worried about what they would think. Really, I'd wanted a wedding in the Church, but my fiancee had convinced me that it would be faster, and easier, and make no real difference if we just did things quietly on our own.
I was, evidently, still a virgin on my wedding night, but I woke up the morning after, lying in bed with the most horrible feeling that I'd just sacrificed and compromised myself entirely, realising that I was not remotely in love with this man, and that I'd been acting out of a sense of obligation towards the only person with whom I'd ever shared a mutual romantic interest, and a sense that this guy was the best I could do. It hit me then how very wrong I was, and I had this sickening thought that I would be divorced before I was 25, and that I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
Then I woke up for real, thinking, "?!?!?!?!" followed by, "THANK GOD it was a dream."
I swear, I hate my brain sometimes. Just once, I want to have a nightmare about vampires or gruesome beasts tearing me to shreds, instead of the freaky real life disaster nightmares.
| 12:31 PM |
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Who am I? I'm a twenty-two-
