Saturday, September 13, 2003
On Unrequited Love
What is it about unrequited love that makes it a common theme in literature, songs, poetry, etc.? Why are we drawn to the tragic idea of one-sided feelings, and why do we respond to characters who harbour such emotions? Or, more to the point, why do writers like to place their characters in that position?
Unrequited love is, at its best, great selflessness: to offer one's deepest love and care for another person even with the ever-present knowledge that the object of one's affection doesn't love in return. And at its worst, it's pure selfishness: one spends one's time wallowing in confusion, anger, fantasy and self-pity. Most of the time, though, I think unrequited love hovers somewhere between the selfless and the selfish -- "half agony, half hope"; as a human being, a selfish creature, it is difficult for one to attain that unselfish love at all times.
So, is it the hope or the agony that is attractive to writers and readers alike -- or is it the juxtaposition of the two? Or is unrequited love a common theme because many people have experienced, at some point in time, the painful exhilaration of loving someone even if that person does not love back? If the latter is true, why do people desire to experience again that piercing hurt, and relive the anguish of unreturned feelings?
Perhaps it is because we identify with the selflessness, with the hope that goes along with the pain of unrequited love. There is something very beautiful about the combination of such opposing forces -- a ray of brightness in the dark, the illumination that can shine a new light on a character's situation or emotions. I think people react to hope -- even vain hope contains a sort of faith and an optimism that is uplifting. To have hope in greatest despair is something we all desire.
Of course, at times the brilliance of hope is short-lived and futile, and eventually fades away. But by then, I don't believe the character is dealing with the trials of unrequited love any longer. Unrequited love doesn't exist without hope. A character becomes more pitiable for his loss of faith and greater pain. He also can become despicable as his feelings descend to something more akin to madness.
Thus, though popular, the theme of unrequited love often results in despair, which is interesting -- again, why do we want to experience that pain or give characters that hurt? Perhaps it just seems like the logical order of things, a moral to the story; perhaps it reflects how people react to unrequited love in real life. The hope that may be identified with in fiction or poetry is scorned as foolishness -- or equated to obsession. Love may be brushed off as "a crush". Advice is to "get over it" -- to break all ties with a person one cares deeply for, and move on.
So, is it naive to think that with both characters and actual people, unrequited love may not end in tragedy or loss, and can exist without becoming a detrimental force? Is one incapable of resolving to love selflessly? Or does unrequited always become synonymous with impossible?
| 11:51 AM |
Comments
Who am I? I'm a twenty-two-
